This is my biggest chapter because I have a lot to say. I love honoring my heroes and, over time, I’ve learned how to give them the sendoffs they deserve.
Writing obituaries seems easy. You tell viewers so-and-so died and share a few sentences about what they’re known for. It airs. Viewers go about their lives.
Or…
You use this opportunity to grab viewers’ attention. You hold their attention with captivating details that they’ll want to share with friends. You retain their attention by building rapport with the anchor, who is guiding them through this moment of reflection. So, how do you do all of that in just 25 seconds? Let me show you.
Sentence One: Why do I care?
This is where you hook the viewer. Let’s break down these lead sentences:
“Drummer Albert Bouchard has died.”
Who? Let’s give him some context.
“The drummer for the rock band Blue Oyster Cult has died.”
Okay. But how about some details to make me interested?
“The drummer for Blue Oyster Cult, the band known for the iconic song Don’t Fear the Reaper, has died.”
Better. Many people know that song, but nowadays even more know it for why it became infamous: Will Ferrell and Christopher Walken.
“The drummer, who actually put MORE COWBELL into the hit song (Don’t Fear) the Reaper, has died.”
If I’m getting ready for work in the morning with the TV on in the background, I’m now turned toward the screen and paying attention. I want to know more about the person who played “more cowbell” (not named Will Ferrell) for such an iconic song. If you do this properly, the rest of the story will fall into place.
Sentence Two: Wait, What Happened?
The second sentence is often the backbone of the story. You grabbed the viewer’s attention. Now, you want to explain who died and how they died. Flow out of that first sentence into this one.
“Albert Bouchard, a founding member of Blue Oyster Cult, suffered a heart attack last night.”
Be sure you do not say he died of a heart attack last night. He suffered a heart attack. He died. Those are two separate things until an autopsy confirms they’re related.
Sentence Three: Feed Me Some Nuggets!
In a previous chapter, I explained why you want to mine for nuggets. They’re the details that help bring your story to life. In sentence three, we start with some basic, but noteworthy details.
“He helped the band sell 24-million albums but left in 1981 to produce and play drums for other prominent bands.”
I fit four details into this one short sentence:
- The band sold 24 million albums.
- He left in 1981.
- He later produced.
- He played drums for other bands of note.
The sentence is packed with nuggets but doesn’t feel too crowded.
Sentence Four: More Nuggets, Please!
This is where you deep-dive for nuggets. You want details that make your viewers say one of two things:
- “I didn’t know that!”
- “I knew that!”
The second point is tricky but effective in building viewer trust. If there is someone watching who intimately knows Blue Oyster Cult or read an article about the making of “(Don’t Fear) the Reaper,” the viewer gains pleasure from knowing what the anchor is saying, as the words are being said. The viewer may even say it out loud with the anchor or share the information they “totally knew” with a friend. It’s a fiction writing device that effectively crosses over into news. Think of it like Jeopardy. Everyone loves shouting out the answers, even as the contestants say them.
Details for musicians can include solo hits, movie appearances, famous marriages, awards, infamous arrests, famous offspring, saving a dog from a fire—anything that will command a response from your viewer. In this case, I would offer a chunky nugget of info to support my lead sentence.
“On ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper,’ Bouchard says he made the iconic rhythmic sound by wrapping a cowbell in gaffer’s tape and hitting it with a tympani mallet.”
Even some superfans may not know this tidbit. If the circumstances surrounding the death are so bizarre, you would include those instead. For instance, if Bouchard was mauled by a barracuda, that would be worth exploring for at least a sentence.
Side note: I had to attribute the sentence details to Bouchard because there’s a slight dispute over who really played the cowbell during the recording. We do know Bouchard played cowbells while on tour.
Sentence Five: Wrap It!
This is where you anchor concisely wraps up the story in a respectful tone, regardless of the person’s awesomeness or horribleness. As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one format for a final sentence.
“Albert Bouchard was seventy-one years old.”
The sentence is so short and simple, it’ll give the anchor a moment to pause as the director dissolves from video back to the anchor or anchors on camera.
All Together Now!
“The drummer who actually put MORE COWBELL into the hit song ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper,’ has died. Albert Bouchard, a former member of Blue Oyster Cult, suffered a heart attack last night. He helped the band sell 24-million albums but left in 1981 to produce and play drums for other prominent bands. On ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper,’ Bouchard says he made the iconic rhythmic sound by wrapping a cowbell in gaffer’s tape and hitting it with a tympani mallet. Albert Bouchard was seventy-one years old.”
“He was loved by all.”
That’s a sentence I heard uttered by an anchor in Lansing, Michigan back in about 2005. The anchor was describing a recently deceased local celebrity. I cannot for the life of me remember who died, but the ridiculousness of the sentence still stands out to me. Why is it ridiculous? It’s biased and hyperbolic. Is there no person on this planet who doesn’t like the recently deceased? Unlikely. I’m sure even Tom Hanks has a few enemies out there.
Back and Forth
This may seem basic, but it’s important to remember not to say the person’s name in every sentence. When writing obituaries, I bounce back and forth between the name and other words to reference the person. It just sounds better. Here are the references to Bouchard I make in each sentence:
- Drummer
- Albert Bouchard
- He
- Bouchard
- Albert Bouchard
Apologies, Mr. Bouchard!
Thank you for being my learning device. I hope you live into your hundreds.
Among the Reads 