Think of your first sentence as the moment a sprinter takes off in a 40-yard dash. One foot should be firmly planted. The eyes should be focused straight ahead. Muscles should launch the runner’s other foot forward, creating momentum that will carry them through the next few seconds. In writing, that means firm structure, focused information, and powerful wording.
Here’s one example of a sentence that moves forward but it doesn’t take the viewer anywhere:
“A man is recovering at the hospital tonight after being shot in the arm in San Francisco’s Tenderloin District.”
Its structure is okay, but its focus and wording need work. To figure out how to make it better, you should ask yourself: What does the viewer need to know first? If I am the viewer, I’m at home thinking, ‘I’m glad my guy is okay— but is there a gunman on the loose in my neighborhood?’ Yes, people want to know how the shooting affects them. With that in mind, find another way to start this story with a lot more momentum.
If police say the suspect got away:
“Right now, police are searching for an armed and dangerous gunman who shot a man in San Francisco.”
If police arrested the suspect:
“Tonight, one man is in custody, another at the hospital, after a shooting in San Francisco.”
If police do not reference a suspect:
“Right now, police have streets blocked off in San Francisco’s Tenderloin District after a gunman opened fire outside a pawn shop.”
Viewers care about other people. They want to know if the person survived or not. But that’s not the first thing they want to know. Tell them if there’s danger (a gunman is on the loose) or disruption (a major intersection is closed) happening right now near them.
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